Shadows

Shadows of my past
Biggest fears to surpass
The spiders from those dreams
Of toys and dolls
Arranged on my bed
Thus the lonely night
Sitting on the street.

La mano pachona
As well as la llorona
They seem to be lurking
Crawling, manifesting on my skin.

The abandonment from the embrace
From the extra gifts
In contrast to the child’s needs.
To the whispers of the crowd
Emphasizing arrows to its prey.

Afraid of the masked monsters
And their invisible claws
Of their unsolicited touchy feeling
Hiding behind a smile
And submissive with no flaws
Yet predators ready to pounce
When there’s a chance.

Yes, afraid of the two-faced
Of the blinded eyed
Of the slip tongued
Of the coldness in their heart.

Such darkness in the light
Childish it seems
But the scars
Are hard to heal.
Afraid
I still feel.

*prompt from HOWLS FROM EL MONTE weekly prompts

Finally free

As she was saying goodbye
The car kept moving
Her eyes kept drifting
To the past memories
The knot in her throat
Asphyxiated her soul
Barely twelve
And she’s set her goal.

“It’s finally here,
I’ve waited for twelve years
I’m finally free!
Free from him
Free from them
Free from those shackles.”

Tears ran down her face
As if shedding her fears
Leaving behind that fake
And dark world.

“My body
finally belongs to me
Not another day
Will I have to say ok
I’m finally…”

She closed her wet honey eyes
And knocked her head on the window
As if knocking monsters away.
Sighed, cleaned her face
And with determination
Faced her future ahead.

Till life exists

A broken soul that’s how I used to live
It didn’t matter, day or night
as long as I was left with him,
They weren’t safe, my body and soul
Threats, fears and anxiety became my daily bread
A fake smile became my hiding place
And envy towards the innocent
Became the core of my gloomy self
When I finally thought a hero came to my rescue
A big fat slap became my initiation
25 minutes of nintendo was my worth
at least that’s what they said
Don’t even remember the names or their faces
Since I was only 8 years old
Shattered was my heart and soul
I hated being a woman in this insane world
Violation of my self and rights
Mitigation of my dreadful life
Scars within and bruises in hidden places
Were part of the don’t talk, don’t scream, don’t move, don’t cry, don’t bite, don’t close and don’t hit
All the don’ts in the world
Came chasing me whole
While my mind was going away
I swore to myself to never forget
Life still exists after this dreaded fix
And when that day comes,
This shrewd people shall cease to exist
At least in my life…