Wicked (His side) 15

I’ve noticed
These past few days
She often talks about this
mysterious traveler.

“You know? There was once a weak woman
who walked as fast as me
yet she was so weak
That couldn’t even hold a sword.
So hmm, I guess
This brings back old memories.”

She told me as she swung her sword
Towards my feet
Making me fall.
“Pffft”
She kept laughing
As a carefree child.
I should probably be mad
But she has this angelic smile
That I can’t even bring myself to.

As I was on the floor
All sweaty and hurt
Still thrilled to learn
How to wield a sword
And counterattack.
It made me wonder
Who was this wanderer
Which my goddess kept talking about?
She seemed so real
Yet so unreal…

“You know? There once was a woman
Who had no recollection of her past
At least not before her 25th birthday.
She was given a name after that age.
Just like you.”

That was intriguing
What kind of person
Would forget her childhood?..

We left Belgrade as it was falling into ruins
My shackles were destroyed
The moment my Lord passed away.
Turns out
She made a deal with a merchant
A life for a letter
A woman for information.

Since the receiver was dead
She went back to the citadel
To search for the thin piece of paper.
Ashamed, I had to confess
That I was close to my lord…
Closest than any other.
I who was trying to get her approval
I who wanted to be her companion.
The moment I opened my mouth
They shattered
My hopes, my dreams…
My goddess looked intrigued
But said nothing of it
And asked me what I knew.
I felt disappointed by her aloofness
Like wine stinging
At this unclosed wound.
I swallowed saliva
And cleared my throat
Then started talking.

“There was a letter my lord burned
A week ago detailing
A white human beast
Like never seen before
Strong as a hundred knights
And swift as a shooting star…”

I looked at her
And finally realized
What the letter meant.
I kept talking
Her sight never left the moon
As she was hearing every word…

“The sender mentioned to be careful
Not to be greedy for it’s power
That running water should be kept as is.
My lord was confused
By the letter merchant Lupu Neacşu sent
And decided to burn any trace of their dealings.”

When I finished.
She seemed relieved
And looked at me
Smiling as if feeling nostalgic.

“Well, I don’t like 66
And I bet
Your mother would of loved
Another name.
So let me think…
You know?
I have so many questions
But I will leave them for another time.
So let’s see…
Did you know
That you are unique in this world?
You’ve got 3 types of rare bloods in you.
You were not supposed to be born.”

I was astonished at what I heard.
I knew I was weird
Since I heal quick
Don’t have strength
Since my lord
Never let me out of his sight
So training was out of the question.
But maybe…

“So hmm you are like a gift hmm
And your dad was a very unique character
Ugh, I swear
If I knew he would die abandoning you…”

She seemed frustrated
As she was stroking her hair.
And I…
I looked at the floor
With
mixed feelings.
I had never heard of my dad
Or mom
She seems so young
How could she know of them?
It didn’t make sense…

“You were trully a gift to them
Don’t ever forget that.
HA! I got it!
MATHEW
So you won’t forget
You are trully a gift from god.”

She smiled proudly
And gave me comfort
By patting my shoulder.
And I started sobbing
Uncontrollably
To the life I am starting
To my new beginning
Thanks to my goddess
I finally feel
Like I belong in this world…

Behind This Door

By Rosalva Ruiz (SuperNova)

Behind this door
I saw a being mythical to me
With the most beautiful eyes
Baby blue
Almost blurred.

Behind this door
I felt inexplicable feelings.
Curiosity as I held this knob
Stilly I briefly opened the door
Afraid of alerting that being.
Her
Who had to see her son
As her brother.
Her
That I almost know nothing about.

Just like a legend
Unbelievable until you see.
Hidden behind this door
Afraid to scare the fairy away
Thanks to that existence
I’m able to breathe
Yet I’m nonexistent in her life.

I’m only twelve
Why?
Why is it hard to understand?
I’ve been given a great chance
To at least see her
From afar
Yet why am I so greedy…

Behind this door
I met my other self
This envious being
Of those close to her
Of those who can hug her
Of those who can be patted by her
Of those who can be praised by her
Of those who can sit next to her.

Envy
Since I don’t share any traits with her.
She’s like a royal pearl
I’m but chocolate milk.
Her wide baby blue eyes
Against my slanted hazy eyes.

Nothing seems to link me to her
That beautiful being
Only this invisible red thing
That flows in my being.

Behind this door
I was astonished
To the point of crying
I felt the hidden longing
At least a warm hug
At least to be acknowledged
At least to feel my existence.
At least…

That was my first and last
Encounter with my grandmother
Behind this door
Quietly admiring her
That fairy that can not see
But only hear
That fairy
That never knew my existence
Yet she is engraved in mine…

Shut Eyes

By Rosalva Ruiz (SuperNova)

I guess I knew
But I shut my eyes
I’ve imagined every excuse
You could think of
But never the color
Never the heritage
Never the roots of it all.

Thinking back
There was a time
When I lived at a small town
I was but seven
And fascinated with magic
Funny enough
A family of five
Came into town.

They were witches
The grownups said
They might put a spell on ya
They said and with that
Voiced barriers were made.

But I wanted to learn magic
Due to circumstances
I wanted to cast a spell
And protect myself.
I wanted to be invisible
To the masked people.
So either I died trying
Or never be able to.

And yes
A magic spell was cast
“Friendship”
The most beautiful there was.
I learned so many things
But never magic.
Sometimes
I was invisible to some people
Since they thought
I was stained
Which didn’t really matter
Since I was having other
Much more troubling affairs
At that time.

I once asked them
Why is everyone saying
You all are witches and yet
You all don’t know any magic?
Antonio’s mom answered
With a pained smile
“Well, it just came to be that way.”
I couldn’t understand why
She answered that way.

In fact I couldn’t understand
How his dad was always
Looking for a job
He often was fired
After a week or two of getting hired.

He was a loving father
He never drank
I never saw him raise his voice
He could do just about anything.
In my eyes, he was such a good guy
I just couldn’t understand it.

After a year
They left town
I never saw them again.

I didn’t get it back then
They were having a hard time coping
Getting acknowledged despite their looks
They barely had money for food
Yet they always invited me
To whatever they had in the table.

Why was I so naive back then?
Why didn’t I see the injustice?
Why did I shut my eyes?

Roots

Roots are engraved in my veins
It’s not the culture
It’s the warmth that emanates from it.


It’s the soft song
That makes you dance along.

It’s the perfect amount of spice
That gives us that savory bite.

Like that piece of heaven
You found in a far away land
And with just that memory
Makes a watery mouth.

One can even taste

the smell in the air
From that place
Transporting you to another time
To  a world
That only one knows.

From time to time
There may be some bitter drinks
On the way.

Even a hangover the next day
Yet our roots are stronger
That even with any storm
Our roses will flourish.

This…
This is my family
This is my culture
These are my roots.

Sudden goodbye

By Rosalva Ruiz (SuperNova)

I guess…
When it comes to the sudden goodbyes
It’s not the goodbye
but the regrets
That come along with it
And pierce my peaceful mind.

Like the dreams
That are forever gone
From the cub in transition.
Like the heroic moment
that stabs you from behind.
The life saved from the fallen
From the unwanted
from the feared
From the egoistic and uncivilized
Exchanged with the bullet taken
By your mind literally and consciously.

Like the understanding
Of people standing
Watching
Unmoving
Frozen in fear.
Yet why?
Why did you move?..
Why is it that the heroes
Always die?
Why is it that the brave
The caring
The explosive compassion
Is always extinguished first?

Chained in bed…
That is…
Another part of my regret.
Your last goodbye
A parade with a serenade.
People following
They sang along
They walked with you
And others were waiting ahead.
Some just watching
And not knowing
Others with a hand
In their heart
For bravery is in front
Passing in silence
With “Un día a la vez”
And us with a knot
In our throat.

This was the last goodbye…
Yet
I wasn’t there
That alone…

End of year 2020

By Rosalva Ruiz (SuperNova)

Waves of black feathers sea
Fuzzy lights on the street
Cold…
Humid and desertic
Nothing like past years
A few cars parked in restaurants
Too few for these holidays…
2020 is coming to its end
Vaccines are a trend
Starting today.

Will next year be ok?
Who knows…
Will the broken be complete again?
Can’t say…
Will the broken links be whole again?
Depends…
At very least I know for sure
This year was unexpected
It crawled under my skin
With terror
With uncertainty
My faith was shaken
Too many times
And I’m still standing
Still dreaming
Still hoping
I am still saying
Merry Christmas
And blessed New year
May God console your soul
And please stay strong.
Tomorrow will come
Tomorrow will be another day
Today will be left behind
To be displayed
In written memoirs
In history books
And above all in stories
To be told…

A Christmas Howl

By Rosalva Ruiz (SuperNova)

When was it that my world changed?
Christmas is not the same
A house full of warmth
Uncles happy with whiskey and beer
Aunts gossiping with glee
The children running around
The tamalada with guacamole and sauce
As well as cabrito en sangrita and arroz
While the menudo is in herbor
in el mechón
Close to everybody
Pa hecharle un ojo
The fireworks illuminating the sky
Even wishes were made before
It all died
Children playing las escondidas
Asking from time to time
“Is it 12 yet?”
“Can we open our gifts?”

The door unable to stop
People coming in and out of the house
There was laughter and joy
Huapangos and danzon.
Alguna que otra cumbia
Y un buen bailador.

A carpet full of humans
One could barely walk
With the dim lights
and whispering
all through the night.
Sometimes…
Even a howling scream at dawn
Where somebody was stepped on
By a drunken uncle
Trying to reach the restroom.
And all laughing
Unable to go back to sleep
With the smell of tortillas de harina
Recien saliditas, beans, machacado
coffee and menudo for the hangover.
Everybody sitting where there was a place
Eating, talking, laughing…
What a magical place and time.

These past memories came howling
During these holidays
Excruciating my already beaten heart…

I Wonder

Regrets…
I have many
Too many to count. 

Rainy days
Liquid too heavy
Too sharp and too runny
Sometimes
Too scary and muddy. 

Followed
By colorless rainbow days
Too depressing
to not even imagine
It’s final prize
The end with its treasure. 

Maybe a wish to a better past
Then again
With the current knowledge 
With the current courage
Without the knots
Fearless and assertive. 

But would that be me?
Would that change
Bring me to now?
Would these words
Come to existence again?
I wonder…

Forbidden Path

A Forbidden path
She took in her past

A drunken dog
Is barking at her door
After not finding the keyhole
Howling
came from the freaking wolf.

Pity
the neighbors felt
After a few months of separation
An empty house
Is now making noise
He is now outside his home
While the girl
Doesn’t open her door

But they don’t know
Today was a day of reconciliation
He is celebrating, I suppose…

But not for her
Today was the first day
Of their last chance.

Today marked their reunion
Today was a new beginning
Forgetting his past adventures
His grotesque words
Even his lack of responsibility.

She tried not to step
On the forbidden path.
She did her best
To be against all odds.

Her aunts, her friends
They all were against divorce.
That forbidden path
Too uncanny for this girl.

She’s portrayed as cold blooded
With almost no loving.
House wrecker
And soul sucking…

As for her
A darken veil of hypocrisy
Is all she sees
Hatred for the adventurer
Disappointment from the sweet talker.

Divroce is all she thinks
Forbiden path it appears
She doesn’t care
Loosing all kinds of friends
Freedom is what she seeks
Peace away from that mess.

She opens that door
While carrying her son
With a suitcase on her back
Today was the last chance
This is goodbye
Carry on forbidden path.